Were You Listening?
by mkim57
Summary: This story was written out of frustration with a dangling story line, late in Season 10.


Were You Listening?

Chapter 1/1

Disclaimers: I don't own any of the JAG characters. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

Spoilers: Any episode up to and including 'Unknown Soldier.' The sequence of some events will be slightly different than the original episode. Any spoiler floating around out there may be 'loosely' referred to.

A/N: This is not betaed. My beta is away for a couple of weeks so read at your own risk.

This is just my reaction to the frustration I have with this dangling story line…so full of possibilities.

Rating K

1630

Saturday

April 16 2005

St Vincent's Hospital

Blacksburg, Virginia

Harm sat at Mattie's bedside holding her hand and talking about what ever came into his head. She had regained consciousness late last night. She had only been able to say a few words to him but he wanted to talk to her about everything he could, anything to engage her in conversation. He was so grateful that he hadn't lost her too. He had been so stunned last night when he saw her eyes begin to flutter and open. He nearly killed himself getting to the nurses station to get someone to confirm what he had seen.

Now as Mattie looked at him and listened, she began to comprehend a slight waver in his voice and that he had even begun to ramble a bit. She could not turn her head fully, and it hurt where the respirator had been attached. She could see him mostly in her peripheral vision. He looked so tired and at that moment she realized that he had been all alone waiting for her to recover. She wouldn't even ask where her father was. Sometime during the past 12 hours, she realized that he had done what he always did when things got too difficult. He ran to the nearest bar or liquor store. She began to heave a sigh but winced in pain when she drew in her breath. Her ribs were still very sore and her body was not used to breathing on its own.

"Mattie? Are you alright?" Harm's brow furrowed with concern.

"I'm okay. Just sore." Her voice was still raspy from the respirator.

"I'm talking too much."

She squeezed his hand and then lifted her hand, placing her thumb and forefinger close together to indicate 'a little.'

"I'll be quiet for awhile" He gave her a sheepish grin.

She returned his smile just slightly but continued to hold tightly to his hand. She was glad he was here, so glad she could count on him. She began to relax and had almost drifted off to sleep when she felt him rest his head on the side of the bed. 'Good' she thought he was going to rest too. Then she sensed something, something shaking the bed very slightly. It was Harm; he had begun to cry quietly. She knew he would have been mortified if he thought she knew. He still held tightly to her hand and she was careful not to indicate anything other than that she was falling asleep. 'Why wasn't there someone here for him?' She wondered where Mac was.

A knock at the door startled them both. Sharon Brighton, Mattie's nurse for the afternoon shift walked into the room.

"I'm sorry…Mr. Rabb but we have to change Mattie's dressings and get her vitals. Could you give us about half an hour?" She noticed that he wiped his eyes and glanced quickly at Mattie who didn't appear to have noticed the gesture. Sharon had been watching him for the past 2 weeks wondering if this would happen. She was glad for his sake that it had.

Harm had not intended to let this happen here and now. He had been able to keep it together for Mattie through out this ordeal. He felt he owed it to her, hell; he was the only one who -could- be strong for her. There was no one else. He had to keep his head clear and not lead with his emotions. That thought only added to the ache he felt in his heart. Mac had always accused him of leading with his emotions. Well he hadn't this time, and in the process he had pushed her away, maybe for the last time.

"I'll be back in a little while." He gave her hand another squeeze before he let go. "Don't give Sharon too much of a hard time…okay" He wanted to see a smile, no matter how small. She didn't disappoint him and she gave him thumbs up. Her nurse pulled the curtain around her bed and finished her tasks quickly and efficiently much to Mattie's relief. As Sharon pulled the curtain back and started to leave the room, Jennifer Coates walked up to her door to knock.

"Mattie?" Jen was so happy to see her friend and ex roommate awake and aware of her surroundings. "This is great, when did this happen?"

"Yeah." She rasped. "Last night."

Mattie's nurse gave them both a nod and left the room.

"Oh, don't talk. I'll do all the talking, I'm good at that." She chuckled merrily, still unable to believe that she was talking to her.

Mattie raised her hand to stop her and asked. "Where is Mac?"

Jennifer explained that Mac had come and had offered to help but Harm had not been very receptive.

Mattie frowned, then she bagan to scan the room with her eyes, as though she were trying to locate something.

"What is it?"

"Phone." She whispered.

"Why?"

"Call Mac for me." It wasn't a request.

"Mattie, I don't know if I should." Jen knew most of the home phone numbers of the JAG attorneys at headquarters by heart but she had only used them for JAG business.

"Please." Mattie had to talk to Mac. She couldn't believe that if she really knew what was happening that she wouldn't want to be there for him. When she had spoken with her before she went to live with her Dad she thought that Mac and Harm were getting closer. She really thought they'd be a couple by now. He had told her over a year ago that he was in love with Mac.

Jen walked to the phone at Mattie's bedside. She picked it up and hesitated slightly before dialing. "Mattie…"

"Hurry before Harm comes back. I only want to ask her one thing." She tried to swallow and sooth her burning throat.

Jen dialed the number and waited. Mac picked up on the second ring. "Hello?"

"This is Petty Officer Coates ma'am. I'm calling from Blacksburg."

Mac held her breath thinking the worst. "Oh God, Jen…tell me Mattie's not…"

"Oh no, ma'am. I'm calling -for- Mattie actually. She is awake; she has been since last night. She wanted me to call you so she could speak with you for a moment." She looked at Mattie who nodded and reached for the phone with an eye on the doorway of her room.

"Mac?" If Jen had not told her it was Mattie, she would not have recognized her voice.

"Hey…I'm so glad to hear from you. Is Harm there with you?"

"No" she whispered. "He stepped out for a few moments. I need to say this fast."

"What can I do for you Mattie?...Anything." Mac was so relieved for Harm's sake that she was conscious. She was beginning to think that he would lose her and she didn't want to even think about what would become of him then.

"Come back." Mattie said it as firmly as she could.

Silence

"He needs you."

"He didn't want me." It still pained her to think of his shuttered expression the day she had come to see him in Blacksburg. His expression was much the same yesterday when she asked him about her. Maybe she had waited too long and pushed him away too many times.

"He never says what he really feels in stuff like that. You have to really listen to him." Mattie winced in pain and reached up to touch her throat. She handed the phone back to Jen. She pointed to a cup of ice water on her bedside table, just out of her reach.

"Mattie… are you there?" Jen could hear Mac talking on the line as she brought it to her ear and reached for the cup

"I'm sorry ma'am. Mattie's throat is still very sore." She handed Mattie her cup. Mattie took a small sip through the straw and let the cool water soothe her raw throat.

"Oh." This was awkward.

"Ma'am, I know it's none of my business but I hope you'll reconsider coming out here. I think Mattie is right. He needs you."

"Thanks Jen…I'll…Thank you Jen. Tell Mattie I'm glad she called." This was too personal to try to explain to her. She didn't really know -how- she felt at that moment.

"I will ma'am. Goodbye." With that they ended the call.

Jen was moving Mattie's bedside table nearer to her when Harm walked back into the room. He was pleasantly surprised that Jen had come to see Mattie. He hadn't told anyone at JAG about her improvement. He knew he should call Mac, but he didn't really want to deal with that right now. His emotions were just under the surface and if he were to talk to her he didn't think he could keep himself under control. Why hadn't he let her be there for him? He was beginning to wonder if they would ever be on the same page.

Jen stayed until after 1900 then went back to spread the good news to their friends at JAG that Mattie had improved. She liked being the bearer of good news this time.

2330

Saturday

April 16th

St. Vincent's Hospital

Blacksburg, Virginia

Harm stood outside Mattie's room watching her through the glass door. He was going over the conversation in his mind that he had with Mattie before she had fallen asleep. He had thought she was already asleep and it had startled him when she said. "Why are you alone?"

"What?" 'Where had that come from?' he wondered.

"Why are you here alone?"

"Mac was here, but I sent her away." He looked at her sadly. "I guess I'm not very good at leaning on someone."

Mattie rolled her eyes but didn't say anything.

At that same moment…

Mac turned off the ignition and sat in her car for a moment. She looked up at the hospital with a heavy heart. She wanted to be with him. She wanted to see Mattie, but she feared Harm's rejection. The impulse to restart her vehicle and go back home was strong, but just as she started to turn the key she remembered something. She remembered a conversation she had with Mattie about unconditional love. She told Mattie that Harm had learned how to give unconditional love while she was under his guardianship. She heaved a sigh and then decided it was time she tried to do that as well. No matter how much she feared his rejection or his anger at her for being here tonight, she wasn't going to back away this time. She was going to show him her 'unconditional love' whether he accepted it or not.

A few moments later, inside the hospital…

Harm was still deep in thought when he heard the sound of footsteps coming down the hallway behind him. Most of the lights in the ward were dimmed but there was enough light to see the reflection in the glass doorway of a familiar form walking toward him. It was late and he hadn't had a lot of sleep. He blinked trying to clear his vision. Surely it wasn't…

He turned to see Mac walking toward him. "Mac?"

"Harm…I know you said…" They both began to speak at once. "I shouldn't have sent you away Mac."

At once they said "I should have listened…"

They stopped and looked at each other for a long moment. Mac stepped closer to Harm until she stood just inches from him. "I'm here." Her eyes were pleading with him not to send her away.

Harm looked down into her eyes and finally saw what he would not allow himself to see before. He needed to let her in. If they were ever going to have a chance he couldn't continue to shut her out. The thought of putting words to what he was feeling made tears sting sharply at the backs of his eyes. He still didn't know how he was going to do it. He just knew she was here and he was so glad to see her. He pulled her into his arms and she stepped into them willingly. "Mac." He breathed her name and buried his face in her hair and all the tension of the past month began to leave him.

"Harm." She held him close and softly stroked his back. "I'm listening."

Mac looked over Harms shoulder to see Mattie looking at them through sleepy eyes. She gave Mac thumbs up. Mac winked back at her and gave her a watery smile. Mattie sighed contentedly and fell back to sleep.

Her work was done today. They were both listening now.

FIN


End file.
